The Cure For What Ails Connor Shaw (Also Doubles As A Halloween Costume)

South Carolina quarterback Connor Shaw is continuing to feel the effects of the virus that was partially responsible for him not playing against Missouri until Steve Spurrier’s frustrations with his offense reached visor-throw-to-the-other-Columbia level.

According to Spurrier during today’s teleconference with SEC media, he hasn’t even seen Shaw in the past two days.  But, despite Shaw possibly carrying around the 21st century version of the black plague, Spurrier said that Shaw doesn’t need to practice that much in order to play against Mississippi State on Saturday because Mississippi State defense and we all saw Dylan Thompson last week.

In addition to his illness, Shaw is still recovering from a sprained left knee, as well as his right shoulder (or maybe both; I think we should start assuming that everything with him is sprained), which he sprained a few weeks ago and has repeatedly given him trouble over the last two years.  However, there is a great, untapped source of power in the state of South Carolina at Steve Spurrier’s disposal that will provide Connor Shaw with the strength to effectively quarterback his way through Saturday’s game.

The locks of former South Carolina quarterback Steve Taneyhill, who coaches high school football in the state:


Yes, once the emperor of haircuts touches the shaved head of Shaw, all ailments will be forgotten, and he will soon find himself victoriously spinning it, running it, and signing Bully XX’s belly like never before.

Your thoughts on such a move, Steve Spurrier?

“Well, let’s see if it helps us throw it around a little bit.”