Nick Saban’s Serenity Now

Yesterday, the first round of point spreads for some of college football’s first weekend games were released.  Most notably, Alabama opened as a 22-point favorite over Virginia Tech in the Chick-fil-A Kickoff/Classic/Gala/Contest in Atlanta.

Nick Saban, hater of all things that speak highly of Alabama, spent the afternoon fuming over the news because he was hoping for a few more weeks of rest before beginning the battle of constantly reminding everyone that his team isn’t as good as everyone says it is.  To make himself feel better, he ordered a legion of managers to find a printing press, any printing press, and throw it in the Black Warrior River because that’s the way it was done in simpler times when the press could be controlled.

When the managers reported they found a printing press, but it was too heavy to move, Saban had them thrown in the river and made them swim to the other side and back as many times as they said the word “can’t”.  While he enjoyed this exercise, it didn’t totally improve his mood.

No, watching underlings swim forced laps in a public waterway wasn’t the answer to his serenity, but he knew what would.  It had helped him many times to unwind after particularly stressful weeks, and on this day would give him a chance to figure out how to bend this point spread news in a way that would motivate his team to take Virginia Tech apart piece by piece.

Ah, yes, he knew just what he needed.  It was time to get out of Tuscaloosa for the afternoon and on to the open road.

Per the usual, right-click to embiggen