TEXAS PETE POWER POLL HEAT INDEX CHILI PEPPERS
Ranking those who carried on while others around them were crushed by failure and/or incompetence.
1. Nick Saban
He finally ascends the throne, but not without AJ McCarron serving as a stool so he can reach the seat (SABAN IS SHORT JOKE).
2. AJ McCarron
As long as you are not awful in the biggest moments of the game, people will start screaming things about Heisman moments and launch into a Heisman Trophy debate instead of wondering from where that drive came. Yes, the Heisman Trophy and everything leading up to it is stupid.
3. Johnny Manziel
ALL THE YARDS AND POINTS. And for Texas A&M people wanting more Heisman consideration for him, they should know the only way to do that is make lots of tackles against Oklahoma, Stanford, and Pittsburgh, or run a punt back for a touchdown against Ohio State.
4. Kevin Sumlin
Just think, if Mike Sherman had beaten Texas, Sumlin might not be in the SEC West, wrecking teams from the bottom and middle of the division.
5. Mark Richt
He started down the Georgia Georgiaing itself path, but finally could no longer mirror Ole Miss doing Ole Miss things.
6. Aaron Murray
The best way for Murray to get out a slump is to face a secondary that's not very good to begin with, then take away one starter and a backup, who started earlier in the season.
7. James Franklin (Todd Grantham nemesis version)
GETTING PEOPLE FIRED, Y'ALL.
8. Gene Chizik
Served notice to the bottom of the WAC that you better be ALL IN when you come to Jordan-Hare Stadium.
9. Zach Mettenberger
For the first time in a long time, people are stunned at the quality of his play rather than the lack of.
10. Derek Dooley's cane
Withstood a ferocious blow against Troy, but looked to be fully operational for the rest of the game.
JEFFERSON PILOT POWER POLL OF FAILURE
Ranking those who collapsed under the weight of their incompetence and/or lack of skill
1. Joker Phillips
The good news is that he'll have all the free time in the world in about three weeks.
2. Sal Sunseri
Derek Dooley said he'll be sitting in on defensive meetings this week, which is like when your junior high principal would sit in on terrible teacher's classes.
3. The Entire Florida/Missouri Game
For perspective, the Kentucky/Missouri game was more entertaining than this.
4. Dan Mullen
The space for the Snow Bowl Championship trophy remains empty on his shelf of championship trophies, which is entirely empty of physical trophies, but fully stocked with imaginary ones.
5. Les Miles
I don't have my files in front of me, as, much like Dan Mullen's championships, they don't exist, but it was the first time in many a season Les Miles stuff didn't work in LSU's favor.
6. Chris Wilson
Despite blueprints handed out by LSU, Florida, and Ole Miss on how to best play Johnny Manziel, Wilson did whatever he did to the tune of 693 total yards and 38 points allowed.
7. The Ole Miss Offensive Line
I should have known they were headed for a bad game when I saw the amount of Emmanuel McCray's back sweat before the game. It was like he had a personal Niagara Falls located on his neck.
8. Kentucky Quarterbacks
Combined, Patrick Towles and Jalen Whitlow were 13-35 for 159 yards, with no touchdowns or interceptions. Congratulations on the no interceptions, but those are Morgan Newton-quality stats.
9. Barry Brunetti
It's not often you see a quarterback about to go out of bounds, then fumble the ball five yards forward to directly into the hands of a defensive player.
10. Nick Saban
"PAAAAWWWWLLLL, ALREADY NAMED MY KIDS NICKY AND NICKI, NOW I GOT TO NAME ONE AJ? SHOULDA NEVER BEEN IN THAT POSITION. NOT SURE THIS TEAM CARES ABOUT THE THIRD QUARTER."