By now, you’ve heard all about the everything-is-on-fire situation at Arkansas. While Bobby Petrino sits on administrative leave and athletic director Jeff Long is reviewing the events surrounding the large fire burning in the Ozarks, the football program is without a head coach.
Having no one in charge or having someone like Joe Lee Dunn in charge (Ole Miss did this for an ENTIRE YEAR) can lead to even more disaster, so it’s important someone be given control of the program. Unfortunately for Arkansas, there aren’t many unemployed in coaching, ready-to-go options out there capable of leading a program. Fortunately for Arkansas, I dug around and came up with a few candidates that can help pilot the ship until the fate of Petrino is decided.
Let it never be said I did nothing to help the people of Arkansas.
Former Arkansas player, ego to match Petrino’s for easy transition, has enough money that not doing his job won’t change his life (though it could be argued he’s not actually doing his job right now), and shares a love of massive jumbotrons
Former Arkansas coach, currently a TV doctor who loves to give motivational speeches to people watching NC State play Georgia Tech on Thursday nights, kind of in a down time right now, and batshit crazy enough to think he could make everything work
Former Arkansas coach, native son of the state, teacher of quarterbacks, and ready to step in because he TOTALLY ORCHESTRATED THE ENTIRE PETRINO AFFAIR AND SUBSEQUENT MOTORCYCLE WRECK