Let’s Ask A Magic 8 Ball A Few Tough Questions

Your first question upon arriving at this site is probably along the lines of “so it’s come to this?”. And if you were to shake me up, I would barf out an answer, in a tint of blue, of YOU KNOW IT, BUSTER. It’s almost Memorial Day weekend (pro tip: if you sing karaoke this […]


Comprehensive List Of People/Things SEC Coaches Might Bring To Press Conferences

Like just about every day in our fine country, there is outrage over something that is worthy of no outrage. Today’s target is Steph Curry and his audacity to bring his child into his press conference after last night’s win over the Rockets. I mean, SIR, DO YOU NOT KNOW THERE ARE CLICHES TO BE RECORDED AND WRITTEN […]


Crunching Some Very Important Recruiting Numbers

Despite not yet being labeled a domestic terrorist, recruiting remains as evil as ever. Unfortunately, this evil is also the life-sustaining force behind any college football program that does not want to consistently go to the Independence Bowl or worse. So you could say that it is MILDLY important. But that doesn’t mean we need […]


Houston Nutt Plays A Game On ‘The Price Is Right': Part I

As the unrelenting march of time moves us closer to summer, the group of things on which to offer PIPING HOT commentary grows smaller by the hour. Before you know it, we’ll look around and realize all we have to cling to is baseball and a Fox reality show involving people who have been kicked […]

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An Evening At The Grindhouse

Monday night was the first time I saw, in the flesh, Z-Bo’s below-the-rim scoring and Tony Allen’s FIRST-TEAM all-defense. I attended Game 4 of the Grizzlies/Warrior playoff series, which ended up being a two-hour demonstration of Golden State reminding everyone that they won 67 regular season games for many reasons, with most of those being they shoot, pass, and space really, really […]


Draft Picks, Records, And Unscientific Observations From 2012-2015 In The SEC

Other than Georgia painting an original masterpiece of losing to an inferior team at least once a year, the most steady constant in the SEC is fans going to the mat for their school of choice. Whether it’s games won or a canned food collection drive, you better believe someone supporting the victorious side is shoving the […]


Best Of Bert

Currently working on an idea that, had I known how long it would take to execute, I never would’ve left the shores of laziness (WHAT A TEASER). So while that cooks in the kitchen for another infinity hours, here is my version of a sitcom’s move where they don’t want to show a rerun in […]


Inner Monologues From The Chick-fil-A Golf Challenge Thing

What’s that you say? The Chick-fil-A golf tournament and related events were two weeks ago? Shouldn’t I be doing something more current? You make an excellent point, but allow me to present my counterpoint. For two weeks now, I’ve had a picture from the golf event sitting on my desktop. I have no idea why […]


A Review Of Senquez Golson’s Film

Former Ole Miss cornerback Senquez Golson is scheduled to take his intercepting ways to the Pittsburgh Steelers after the team selected him in the second round of the NFL draft on Saturday. As a player for the Steelers, he’ll get to face Andy Dalton, Joe Flacco (ELITE?????), and whatever sadness Cleveland trots out this season, a combined SIX […]


Bert Wants More ‘Wooo Pig’ In Everyone’s Life

Bret Bielema is calling on the Hogs, without calling the Hogs (because that takes FOREVER), to involve more exclaims of “Wooo Pig” in their day-to-day lives. In fact, he wants “Wooo Pig” used so much that


Checking In With What Jim Delany Has To Say

Jim Delany is an important man with many things to say. While most of these things are not good ideas, make no sense in the year 2015, and do not benefit the athletes creating all of the money, he keeps saying them, which is good for us because it’s not even May yet and what else are we gonna […]


Chick-Fil-A Golf Skills Competition Reveals Nicknames For The Clubs Of Coaches And Celebrities

Yesterday, college football coaches took time out from obsessing over minutiae’s minutiae to be in Georgia to participate in Chick-fil-A’s annual skills competition that is related to the golf tournament they are hosting today. The skills competition, which didn’t involve finding a way to relate to a 17-year old high school student, meaning it truly was […]


Just Wait ‘Till The Tide Starts Playing Them Vidya Games On TV

Last night on ESPN2, a video game battle between students at California-Berkeley and Arizona State raged across the televisions of those who, like me, were probably still up plowing through DVR’d episodes of all the TV shows that flood Sunday nights (my Sunday night show count is at six). These #youths were playing a multiplayer game called Heroes of […]


Satellite: A Song By Jim Harbaugh

Satellite football camps are out there making people either real mad or real happy. In times like these, we need music to bring us together. I am fully aware that I should be jailed for this, but consider how many times I listened to and read the lyrics of the Dave Matthews version in order to […]


SEC Towns, Cities, And Villages Rankings That You Should Hold As Gospel Truth

One of America’s favorite past times, particularly in the South, is telling strangers online that the city or town they like for very particular and personal reasons SUCKS, BRO. This is always followed by a statement that says something along the lines of “the place I like is WAY BETTER, BRO, BECAUSE IT JUST IS”. And in […]